The I Hate My Brother Society
by bulletproof trucker hats
Summary: All my favorite characters get together to lament their brothers. YYH, Yugioh, Inuyasha, Naruto,Shaman King, Dungeons & Dragons, ect.
1. Chapter 1

Ahahahahahah, Goth Lolita only wishes she owned these lovely characters. Then, she'd be rich and be able to move to Atlantis! Wait, what? No matter how much money I get, I can't make imaginary things exist? Well…Damn. Never mind, then.

***~~~***

Tao Jun stood on a raised platform in the center of the room. "The first official meeting of the 'I Hate My Brother' Society will now come to order."

She was largely ignored.

"I said ORDER!!!" she banged her gavel.

IGNORING!

"If you do not shut the HELL up, this _instant_, I will burn you all to HUNKS OF CHARCOAL!" Azula shrieked.

The ensuing silence was immediate and absolute, only broken by Hao Asakura's slow applause from somewhere in the back of the room.

"O-okay, then…" Tao Jun began again. "Since it's our first meeting, I want us all to go around and say our names, our brother's name, and why we hate them. I'll start. Hi, I'm Tao Jun,"

Polite applause.

"My brother's name is Tao Ren."

Booing.

"And I hate him because he's weak, and whiny, and angst. I could go on, but I won't."

More polite applause. Azula stood. "I am Azula. My brother's name is Zuko. I hate him because Mother loved him better AND he has…_morals_."

"Boooooo." Hao yelled.

"Hello, I'm Serenity. I have a brother named Joey. He's an ass, because he totally forgot about me when our parents divorced, and then, when I was having eye surgery, he. Never. Showed. Up. AND ALL HE EVER TALKS ABOUT IS TRADING CARDS!!!!"

"My name is Elyon. I'd rather not say my brother's name. But he wants to manipulate me to destroy my friends, take over my kingdom, and then he plans to kill me." Azula patted the smaller girl on the shoulder.

"I'm Yukina. My brother's name is Hiei. He sucks, because he _knows_ I'm looking for my long-lost brother, and he REFUSES to admit it's HIM."

Hisses and boos met the blue-haired girl's words.

A monstrous, lizardy guy stood. "Hi. My name is Manten, and I hate my brother, Hiten, because he's much more attractive then me, he can fly, more women like him…AND HE HAS MORE HAIR THAN ME!!!" he broke out into sobs.

"Feh. I'm InuYasha. My half-brother's name is Sesshomaru. He's a cold, sadistic bastard, who claims to hate humans, yet the hypocrite travels with one. He wants to steal my Tetsusaiga, and he's almost killed Kagome more times than I can count!"

"Oh, InuYasha, I didn't know you cared!" Kagome squealed joyfully.

"Feh, I don't. But if you died, I couldn't find the jewel shards."

"SIT!!!"

"Uh, who are _you_?" Tao Jun asked.

"My name is Kagome Higurashi. I have a little brother named Souta. I hate him, because if it weren't for his wimpyness, I'd never have met _him_," she pointed at InuYasha, "and none of the physical and mental trauma I have suffered since would have occurred."

"Feh, spoiled little princess."

"S. I. T."

"Alrighty then, moving on. Who's next?"

A dark-haired boy stood and spoke in an emotionless monotone. "I am Sasuke Uchiha. My brother, Itachi, murdered my entire clan, except for me, and for that, I. Will. Kill. Him."

"But if he left you alive-"

"Shut up. He will DIE."

"NEXT!"

"Hi! My name's Katara! I have a brother, Sokka! He can get seriously annoying, with his lame jokes and stuff! I really wish he was less irritating!"

Tao Jun interrupted. "Katara, do you actually _hate_ your brother?"

Katara blinked. "Uhhh…Yes?…No?…Maybe?"

"I think you should leave now."

Mokubah stood, but unfortunately, he was so short, it didn't really make a difference. "Hi, my name's Mokubah Kaiba." he said. Most of the girls in the room squee-ed (fangirl shriek) at his insane adorableness. "My big brother's name is Seto Kaiba. He's really rich, and he owns his own company, but when I got kidnapped, what did he do? He faked his own death, and then ENTERED A TRADING CARD TOURNAMENT!!!! My freaking GOD, he has to be the WORST guardian EVER. I might sue." Serenity nodded. "You poor kid, he sounds a lot like _my_ brother."

"I AM THE CHAZ! The Chaz has two older brothers. They _disowned _the Chaz, and they tried to make him _cheat_ at a trading card game! They have no shame…"

"I'm Syrus. I also have an older brother, Zane Truesdale. You might think that him having an almost-fatal heart attack would _reduce_ his popularity. You'd be _dead wrong…._ Unlike Zane. He's much more popular than me. He's taller, more handsome, and a better duelist. And girls love him, despite his icy personality."

"ZANE!!!!" shrieked every single female in the room.

"SHUT. UP.!!!!" Sasuke yelled. "God, I hate fangirls…"

Yuki nodded in understanding. "Tell me about it. And they _never_ go away." Sasuke and Yuki shuddered.

"Well, hello, my name is Yuki Sohma. Yes, I'm a guy, in case you were wondering. It's slightly harder to tell, with my elder brother, Ayame. He's arrogant, full of himself, flirts shamelessly with anything with a pulse, and if he shows up for 'brotherly bonding' ONE MORE TIME, I may just have to kill him…But it won't work…It never works…He just comes back, more annoying and gayer than ever…"

"That's not _right_." Kagome said.

Sasuke agreed with the miko. "It's really not…"

**You can drop the act now, Sasu-kun.** said a disembodied voice.

"Wha- Who said that? What act?" Sasuke looked around wildly.

**I am the person writing this. And **_**everyone**_** knows you and Naruto secretly love each other with a deep burning passion. Now, I must continue the non-existent plot line of this story.**

Yuki shook his head. "The one thing worse than fangirls."

"Rabid _yaoi_ fan girls." everyone in the room said in unison.

"My name is Hao Asukura. In my new world order, all fangirls shall be sent to work in the mines. My brother is Yoh Asukura. He is the _worst twin ever_, because he's a troublesome do-gooder. He's always ruining my plans. He refuses to join me and take over the world. AND he won't give me his half of our soul! I mean, seriously, talk about _unreasonable…_"

Azula stared at him. "Oh my God, I think I just found my soul mate."

"Are you a shaman?" Hao asked.

"No, _but_ I can control the element of fire."

Hao gaped. "I think I'm in love."

"God, get a _room_, you two." Sasuke muttered.

**You're just **_**jealous**_**, because you an' Naruto haven't done anything yet. **said the disembodied voice of the writer.

Sasuke scowled angrily. "Will. You. STOP?!? I AM NOT GAY!! Why the _HELL_ did you come back anyway?!"

The writer shrugged. Sure, she's intangible, and can't be seen, but there was definite shrug -age. **Just wrapping up the story. Tao Jun, if you would conclude the meeting?**

"The first meeting of the 'I Hate My Brother' Society is now adjourned. Our next meetin- Hao, Azula, stop kissing and pay attention- our next meeting is next Friday. We'll be going over various ways to deal with our brothers. Katara, feel free not to come back."

"Actually, this was fun! I'm going to come ba-"

"No. Seriously, don't come back."

The writer sat back and looked at her work. **Ah. A happy ending. Everyone loves a happy ending. What the- Katara, how'd YOU get in here?**

"What are you talking about?!?! I got KICKED OUT! That hardly qualifies as 'happy'!!!"

**I meant happy for everyone **_**else**_**. No one cares about **_**you**_**, Katara.**

"My friends and family do…" Katara muttered sulkily.

_**Suuuure,**_** they do. You keep telling yourself that. You just run along now, there's a good little water bender.**


	2. Chapter 2

Tao Jun stood on a raised platform in the center of the room. "The 'I Hate My Brother' Society will now come to order."

This time, everyone paid attention. They didn't need Azula to go all psycho-Fire-Nation-Princess on them.

Especially now that Hao and her were an _item_…

Tao Jun continued. "I see that some people have decided to join us today." And, indeed, Katara and Manten were absent. "However, we do have some new faces. Please, introduce yourselves."

"Hi, I'm Alexis Rhodes. Syrus and Chaz-" "THE Chaz!!" "-brought me. I have a brother named Atticus."

"Hi, I'm Kankuro, and this is my sister Temari. We have a little brother, Gaara." Sasuke acknowledged the Suna-nin with a slight nod of his head.

"Great! Welcome to IHMB!" Tao Jun said, rather cheerfully. "Today, we're going to discuss various ways we can deal with our brothers. I'll start. I am going to become a powerful shamaness, so that Ren will _never whine at me again_. Azula?"

"I am going to capture the Avatar before Zuko, so that he will _never _regain his honor. And, _then_, I'm going to throw him and our Uncle Iroh into jail for the rest of their miserable lives.

Hao smirked. "I love it when you get that sadistic glint in your eyes…Well, I'm going to destroy my brother's friends, one by one, and then, I'll take his soul, and become the Shaman King!"

"Your idea is so much more eviler than mine." Azula pouted.

Serenity stood. "I'M GOING TO BURN ALL MY BROTHER'S CARDS!!!"

Mokubah didn't bother getting out of his chair, being so short. "Me too!! Because I think Seto loves them more than he loves me!"

Azula, Hao and Sasuke perked up at the mention of burning stuff.

Syrus stood. "I decided to just put a lot of pressure on Zane. With any luck, he'll have another heart attack. Maybe _this _one will finish him off."

"ZANE!!!" shrieked every female in the room- except Azula, because, you know, she's got Hao.

"S. H. U. T. U. P." Sasuke ground out. "I don't even know why I'm here. We all _know_ I'm going to kill Itachi."

**But you haven't yet, have you? **said the disembodied voice of the writer.

"After I kill him, I'm coming after you." Sasuke stormed out the door.

Tao Jun looked at a clock. "Three…Two…One…"

Sasuke walked back in, absolutely _covered _in blood. His _own_ blood, mind you, not Itachi's.

"Sooo? Did you kill him?" Azula taunted.

"Oh, _please._ Does it _look_ like he killed him?" Hao pointed out.

"How'd it go?" Tao Jun asked.

Sasuke looked sheepish. "Well…"

***~~~*** FLASHBACK ***~~~***

CENSORED FOR BROTHERLY VOILENCE!!!!

And the writer's inability to write decent fight-y type scenes.

Please enjoy this Naruto face, instead!

=^_____^=

***~~~*** END FLASHBACK ***~~~***

**HAHAHA!!! Sasu-kun got his pretty ass handed to him!** the disembodied voice of the writer chortled happily.

"One day…I _WILL_ kill the both of you…" Sasuke said , with the Uchiha-Death-Glare®.

The writer stuck out her tongue. Not that you could _see_ it, of course, her being all disembodied and everything.

"Moving ON." Tao Jun interceded. "Who's next? Yuki, why don't you go?"

"Well, I _was_ going to pictures of him in a wedding dress online…but then I realized that he's enjoy the attention. And he wouldn't really mind if guys hit on him…"

"Why would he be in a wedding _dress_?"

"…Don't ask…"

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm attempting to get a restraining order, at the moment."

"The Chaz refuses to acknowledge his brother's existence!"

"Then, why are you here?"

"Ummmm….SHUT UP!" Chaz leaves dramatically.

"Me and my friends are aiding the resistance against my brother. With their help, we will absolutely CRUSH HIM." The words sounded odd coming out of innocent-looking Elyon's mouth.

"Actually, Atticus isn't such a bad brother." Alexis said. "I'm only here because Chaz-" "THE Chaz!" Chaz yelled from outside. "-and Syrus dragged me here."

Tao Jun nodded in understanding. "That's alright. We accept that _some_ brothers are ok. It just so happens that _ours_ are total _jerk wads._"

"Ummm…Does that mean that I can leave?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Alexis left.

"Um, I've decided to let Hiei keep pretending he doesn't know me. I figure it's tearing him up to begin with, so I couldn't really think of a better way." Yukina spoke up.

Temari spoke for both Kankuro and herself. "Our brother, Gaara, is a homicidal lunatic. We have decided to smother him to death with a pillow while he's asleep."

Sasuke looked at her oddly. "I though Gaara _didn't _sleep." he pointed out. "Or do you have a death wish?"

Kankuro glared at her. "I _told _you that plan wouldn't work. But did you listen? Noooo. 'It's ok, Kankuro.', you said. 'I know what I'm doing.', you said. HOW THE HELL IS THIS OKAY?!?!? WHAT KIND OF HALF-ASSED PLAN WAS THAT?!?! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE A SHINOBI!!!" Kankuro finished his rant, breathing heavily.

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE DIDN'T SLEEP?!?!" Temari shrieked back at him.

"YOU'RE HIS BIG SISTER!"

"SO?! YOU'RE his BROTHER! Maybe YOU should have pointed that MINOR FLAW out!"

"I WOULD have, if you had TOLD ME WHAT THE PLAN WAS!!!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Azula screamed.

Dead silence reigned.

"Alrighty, who's next?" Tao Jun asked, as if nothing had happened.

"Wait a second." Syrus said. "Where's Manten?"

InuYasha looked guiltily at the floor.

"Uh, Mantan _died_." Kagome said.

"Wow, how'd _that_ happen?" Hao asked, making a mental note to look for the demon's spirit.

"He got..ah…stabbed through the heart…" Kagome said reluctantly.

"What? How? With what? Why?" everyone was asking questions at the same time.

"Why don't you ask _InuYasha_?" Kagome suggested.

InuYasha turned as red as his clothes. And that's saying something. "I, ah…."

Everyone who understood him made a mental not to stay away from Kagome while InuYasha was in the vicinity.

"Well, what have you decided to do about your brother, InuYasha?" Tao Jun asked, eager to get the meeting back on track.

"Oh, that's easy. The next time I see the bastard, I'm going to kill him." InuYasha said.

"Good _luck_." Sasuke snorted.

"And what about you, Kagome?" Tao Jun continued.

"Well, I'm not home much to begin with, so I think I'll just ignore him as much as possible."

"Thank you for sharing, Kagome." Tao Jun said. "And the rest of you, thanks for coming. Next week, we'll get together, and discuss how successful our plans were. Now, let us all have a moment of silence for Manten…Okay, moment over."

Next time, with The IHMB Society!

Will Temari and Kankuro make a better plan?

Will Sasuke _ever_ kill Itachi?

Is Manten _really _dead?

Will _any _of the brothers realize what's going on?

Why am I asking all these questions?

Especially when I know all the answers!

**READ AND REVIEW!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

Tao Jun stood on a raised platform in the center of the room. "The third meeting of the 'I Hate My Brother' Society will now come to order."

Dead silence reigned, except for a furious snarl from Azula. Hao wasn't there yet, and boy, was she _pissed_!

Suddenly, the fire alarm went off, and the automated sprinklers came to life. Everyone was immediately soaked…except for a mysterious, heavily-cloaked figure at the back of the room. The water arched around them, as if hitting an invisible umbrella.

"Katara, _leave_." Tao Jun said sternly. The cloaked person's- Katara's- shoulders slumped dejectedly, and she shuffled out of the room. "Azula," Jun tried to continue. "You-"

"WHAT???"

"-Your hair's on fire."

"GODDAMNIT!!!"

"Well, now that _that's_ all under control, shall we continue? Good. I see we have a new arrival. Would you care to introduce yourself?"

"Hi. My name is Caramon. I'm a warrior, and my brother, Raistlin, is a mage. We're twins, but we're complete opposites. All he wants is power, and he manages to totally demolish any relationship I get into…" his head dropped. "I doubt Tika will ever speak to me again…"

"WELL, TOO FREAKING BAD!"

"Azula, kindly _shut the fuck up._"

So, of course, everyone let out a sigh of great relief when Hao walked in the door, followed by a diminutive, little person.

Everyone, that is, except Tao Jun.

"Hao!" Azula said, hugging him.

He looked at her oddly. "Um, I'm engaged, and I'm not-"

"YOU'RE WHAT?!? TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME?!? YOU SCUZZBAG!!!" Azula stepped back and conjured fireballs in both hands.

And her hair was on fire. Again.

All looked grim for Hao, until his little friend stepped up. "He's not Hao!"

"Yeah, because in about two seconds, he going to be DEAD." Azula growled.

"No," the little guy persisted. "That's _Yoh_. Hao's his evil twin!"

"Oh." Azula said, anger obviously abating.

But those fireballs had to go _somewhere_.

"OW! The HELL was that for?!"

"Suck it up, you wimp. Aren't you shinobi supposed to be _tough_? It wasn't even that hot."

"Oh YEAH? GRAND FIREBALL NO JUTSU!"

"Bring it, orphan-boy!"

***~~~*** FIGHT ENSUES ***~~~***

Tao Jun sighed and shook her head. "Meeting adjourned. We'll get together sometime next week, providing these two _imbeciles_ don't destroy the building."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

"Hey, you're still fighting _me_! Get back here, you spoiled, psycho princess!"

Everyone, save for Azula and Sasuke, leaves.

Tao Jun can be heard, telling Caramon, "It's _usually_ not this insane…"

**Oh, wow, I slept late. **the tired, disembodied voice of the writer yawned. **Now, I must begin writing the next segment of my- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO **_**DOING**_**?!?**


End file.
